Raw emotions!

We are currently in a study at our church about getting in God's secret place and learning to listen to him. We are also participating in a 50 day fast and it's amazing to see him working in so many families lives! I wanted to share a little bit of what God has been speaking to me through this time and I'm going to be very real and honest with this post.

Our pastor has been speaking out of Matthew, specifically about going through the broad gate or the narrow gate and the 5 acts of transformation. Which is so many forms has multiple meanings in our life right now not just about following what God's called us to do but giving up our ENTIRE life to do it and going through that narrow gate. Our pastor has been speaking about in life we as Christians have to go through what's considered the "FIRE" in our relationship with Christ to really understand everything he is preparing us for. I feel as though we are in the FIRE right now. Now don't get me wrong, yes this Fire will bring pain BUT it will ultimately bring healing and cleansing that way God can refine us like silver and Gold and prepare us for the ministry he has for our family.

This "Fire" has probably been one of the most painful but most rewarding times in our families life. It's so awesome to watch God shaping our future in his timing not ours. I say all this with a deep breath because for so long I think Rich and I were trying to control what we wanted in our family. 2 kids, a new home, new cars, a great job, etc....... But now our focused has changed 360 now that we know exactly what God has spoken to us about our future and everything that he has planned for us. 

For those of you who don't know "Our Story" not our adoption story but our story of where we feel God is leading us, this is a brief version of it. In Sept 2010 when Rich traveled to SL God clearly gave him a vision of our family serving in SL as Full Time missionaries some day and honestly up until now we really had no clue what that even looked like or where we would ever begin. I immediately thought when he came home, okay God we will sell everything we have RIGHT NOW and GO! But here we still sit 2 years later and I often ask God why???? Why are we not in SL serving the people we love so much? Why are we not being your hands and feet of what you have called us to do?? So to make a long story short, God is taking us through the fire right now, he is preparing our family for all that he has for us. He is making us stronger Christians, we are learning how to serve him with everything we have and when I say Everything I mean EVERYTHING! We are currently in what I would like to call "ministry prep"! Even though this journey might not look like anything I ever had planned we know are right where God wants us for right now. We have a Peace that can only come from him. YES we still feel someday soon we will be serving in SL but for now he has us here in Nixa, MO serving the people where we currently are and helping see those here come to know him. There is a reason God puts us through the fire of "Life" to make us stronger for those things we can not see on our own yet! 

So while we sit and wait for God to complete this refining stage in our lives I am learning to sit and be still. He keeps reminding me of the the verse "Be still and know that I am God". Which anyone who knows me, this is a very hard thing for me. Probably the hardest thing God will ever teach me. I am also learning that those people you think will support your vision God gave you will not ultimately be your "Support" it will be people you never envisioned stepping up beside you. I honestly can fully understand the story of Noah and the ark. As we prepare for all that God has for our family there are friends and family that do not in any way shape or form support us and at first I thought Wow how can some of the closest people in our lives not support what we know 100% that God has called us to do and then I came across the story of Noah and now I understand. I understand why we think even the "Christian of all Christians" don't understand! So with this too is another lesson as we go through the Fire of his refining process. God called Noah and he listened no matter what anyone told him to do. Sometimes in  "This World" that is a very hard lesson to understand.

I'll end this massive post :) with a scripture God gave me this week confirming what he has for our family: Isaiah 43:10 You are my witnesses, says the Lord and My servant whom I have chosen!!!